Facts About The 2009 New York Yankees

  1. Mariano Rivera doesn’t wait for the call to the bullpen. He calls the dugout and says “I’m ready to pitch now, b*tches”.
  2. During batting practice, Hideki Matsui doesn’t swing a bat. He swings the bat boys.
  3. Only half of CC Sabathia’s diet consists of food. The other half consists of the opposing team’s lineup.
  4. R. Kelly’s song “The World’s Greatest” was used in the movie “Ali”, but it was originally written about Derek Jeter.
  5. The sun orbits Alex Rodriguez.
  6. Playing 1st base, Mark Teixeira can get a hitter out while he’s still on deck.
  7. Nick Swisher pities Mr. T.
  8. “Murderers Row”, looking down from Heaven, are thankful they never had to face Mariano Rivera.
  9. Jorge Posada doesn’t need to run fast. Time stops for him when he’s running the bases.
  10. Andy Pettitte can extinguish a forest fire by staring at it.
  11. When AJ Burnett writes poetry, a Haiku can have as many syllables as he wants.
  12. Chuck Norris invented the roundhouse kick. Edwar Ramirez perfected it.
  13. If you had a nickle for every time a runner stole second base with Pettitte on the mound, you’d have 5 cents.
  14. For fun, Brett Gardner races Lance Armstrong. Armstrong on his bike, Gardner on his feet. Gardner wins every time.
  15. Every time Cano swings, an angel in Heaven gets its wings.
  16. Two years ago, Melky Cabrera threw a ball into the sky. It still hasn’t made it back down to Earth.
  17. Joba doesn’t need an axe to chop down trees. He uses his fastball.
  18. When hunting, Derek Jeter doesn’t use a gun. He stares at the animal and says “die”, and the animal drops dead.
  19. Johnny Damon became the official spokesman for Tide® in 2006.
  20. When Derek Jeter says “jump”, you don’t ask why. You ask “how high?”
  21. When Alex Rodriguez steps up to the plate, the Earth stops spinning.
  22. DNA tests have shown that Hideki Matsui is the Octodad.
  23. The U.S. Air Force engineers are studying the physics of the Mariano cutter. They want to make their planes un-hittable.
  24. When Mark Teixeira plays golf, he gets his caddy to pitch the golf balls to him. He gets a hole-in-one every time.
  25. The Military finally found the Weapons of Mass Destruction they’ve been looking for: The 2009 New York Yankees.

If you have any facts about the 2009 Yankees you would like me to add, send them to me on Twitter.

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3 comments

  1. osfan2009

    5. Actually, CC’s gravitational pull is so massive, the sun and the entire solar system revolves around him.
    18. Jeter would swoon the animals by looking at them and then AJ Burnett would kill them by pitching at them.

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