Tagged: Predictions

2010 Predicions Part II: Yankees Hitters

With Opening Night less than 24 hours away, I just managed to squeeze in the second part of my 2010 predictions before it’s too late. I made predictions about our pitchers yesterday, and today I’m finishing up my predictions for our 25-man roster. In this post, you will read about what I see in our hitters’ future for this year.


Yankees Hitters

Jorge Posada:
Posada will convert to Buddhism this season. His change in religion will cause a huge change in his attitude. He will become “one” with all that is around him. He will greet people with hugs, and recite to them a small Buddhist prayer as he says goodbye. He will turn his space in the locker-room into a “Zen” area, and his pre-game ritual will consist of meditation while listening to the sounds of running brooks and dolphin mating calls. At the start of every game, he will give each umpire a flower. 
Mark Teixeira:
After being hit in the elbow during a spring training game against the Baltimore Orioles, Mark “Mr. Nice Guy” Teixeira’s personality will flip 180 degrees by Opening Night. He will become the least pleasant Yankee, and will be known as “The Grumpy Old *******”. Mark will always be irritated and in a bad mood. He will never smile, ever. Even when the Yankees win the World Series again, Mark Teixeira will not smile. Throughout the season, Tex will become the “mean, retired old neighbor” of the clubhouse, and will shout at anyone who walks past his locker, telling them to get off his lawn.
Robinson Cano:
This season, Robinson Cano will develop a “Bromance” with Brett Gardner, since his previous bromance with Melky Cabrera ended. Robbie and Brett will be inseparable during the first half of the season. They’ll go out together on off-days, spend all night BlackBerry Messaging each other, and will even be seen wearing matching 

I’m with Stupid  t-shirts. During the All Star break, however, Cano and Gardner will break up and go their separate ways. Why will they split up? Because Brett will get fed up with never understanding the words coming out of Robbie’s mouth, and Robbie will be embarrassed to be seen with Brett because he “dances like a white boy”.

Derek Jeter:
This season, Derek Jeter will reveal that he’s been living a secret life. He will hold a press conference and come clean about his lifestyle, and the news will shock everyone. Jeter will confess to being a suburban husband and father. He will show pictures of his wife, 3 children, and dog. He will also admit that the entire relationship with Minka Kelly was simply a cover-up for who he really is. He will say that he hid the truth for a long time, but the weight of the secret has become unbearable, so he decided to come out into the open. The biggest shocker of the presser will be when Derek shows a picture of his wife driving him to batting practice in a blue minivan.
Alex Rodriguez:
A-Rod will hook up with Lady Gaga this year. The two will be seen everywhere together, and the tabloids will be filled with pictures of the happy couple. Rodriguez will feel at ease with Gaga, because her outrageous outfits attract so much attention that he can wear his purple lipstick and still manage to go unnoticed. After several months of dating, A-Rod will notice Lady Gaga’s “Adam’s Apple” protruding through an opening in the Medieval battle armor she’s wearing. The two will break up, but Lady Gaga will stay in touch with A-Rod’s cousin in the Dominican Republic, so she can continue her hormone treatments and finally become a woman.
Nick Swisher:
Nick Swisher will sue John Sterling for using the word “Swishalicious” on the air, after Nick registers it to use as the name of his new brand of bubble gum. Swisher’s main concern will be that when people hear Suzyn Waldman say “Swishalicious”, they won’t want anything to do with the name, and he won’t be able to sell his product in New York.
Brett Gardner:
Gardner will start racing for charity this year. He will be racing against cars. What’s so special about this? Did I mention that Brett will be racing on his feet? Gardner will challenge anyone and everyone to bring their sports cars and try to drive faster than he can run. Every time he wins a race, $10,000 will be donated to Unicef. After raising over $500 million, he will be named a Good Will Ambassador by the United Nations, and we will see hundreds of foreign children watching the games at Yankee Stadium.
Curtis Granderson:
It is known that Curtis Granderson is a highly educated and articulate individual. This year. Grandy will be a human “Word-Of-The-Day Calendar” for the Yankees outfielders. In between defensive plays, Curtis will teach Swisher, Gardner and Winn words such as imbroglio, haggard, and ostentatious.
Nick Johnson:
This season, a scandal will break out linking Nick Johnson to a shady doctor. This scandalous revelation will occur after an investigation is carried out to find the reasons behind Johnson’s injuries over the years. The results of the investigation will show that the source of Nick’s injuries is a doctor he visited once in 2001. The physician, Dr. David Altchek, treated Johnson the year he made his MLB debut. Dr. Altchek is currently the Medical Director for the New York Mets.
Randy Winn:
Randy Winn will surprise everyone this season, and become the Yankees’ leader in home runs and RBIs. By June he will have hit 40 home runs and will have 150 RBIs under his belt. This will set off an alarm with MLB Commissioner Bud Selig, and Winn will be tested for Performance Enhancing Drugs. After the results of the tests are negative, Randy will reveal that the secret to his unbelievable offensive production is picturing Megan Fox standing in front of him during his at-bats. When asked “Why Megan Fox?” Winn will reply “Because I wanna hit that. I wanna hit it hard”.
Ramiro Pena:
With the Yankees infield completely healthy, Ramiro Pena will have very little work to do. To occupy his time, Ramiro will audition for Dora The Explorer: The Musical on Broadway. Pena will play the part of Alejandro, Dora’s love interest, in the play. 
Marcus Thames:
This year, Thames will successfully steal a base.
Francisco Cervelli:
This season, Cervelli will seek revenge on all the beat writers who called him “Gazoo” during Spring Training. Since they gave him the nickname because of the oversized helmet he wore after suffering a head injury, Franky will fire foul shots to the press box at Yankee Stadium, hitting each beat writer in the head.

You can find Beeeebzy’s blog entries and more at 161st-and-River.com

2010 Predicions Part I: Yankees Pitchers

With the season only two days away, Baseball Fever is getting the best of us. Several sports sites and blogs are rushing to finalize their predictions for the 2010 baseball season. After reading several predictions and projections, it hit me that I should make my own predictions to post on my blog. I refuse to let my loyal readers feel like they’re missing out on the madness of forecasts by reading my blog.

So, I will begin my predictions with what I see in our pitchers’ future for this year. I will write my predictions about our hitters tomorrow.

Yankees Pitchers

CC Sabathia:

Halfway through the season, CC will become a vegan. After the news comes out about Sabathia’s new diet, McDonald’s will create a new vegan burger to rival the McVeggie, and call it the McInnings – so that you too can eat innings like CC.

AJ Burnett:
This season, AJ will experiment with other desserts to use in walk-off wins. He will try using a Raspberry Lemon Layer Cake, some Double Chocolate Pudding, and a Blueberry Corn Cake. In June, Burnett will be asked to go back to using pies, after some of the burned sugar from his Walk-Off Creme Brulee hurts Posada’s left eye.
Andy Pettitte:
At some point this season, Dandy Andy will lose his cool and drop the F-Bomb during a press conference. After the conference, Cashman will take Pettitte aside and say “Don’t start talking like you pitch for the Red Sox”. The next day, ESPN will call Andy’s use of profanity “roid rage”, and George Mitchell will be asked to take a leave of absence from his work as Special Envoy for the Middle East, so that he can carry out another investigation.

Javier Vazquez:
Vazquez will not only put “2004” behind him, and make us forget the pain, but he will have the best season ever experienced by a Major League pitcher. He will
win 35 games, have an ERA of 1.08 throughout the season, and will win the 2010 A.L. Cy Young Award. Then, he will go to Disney World.

Phil Hughes:
This season, during one of his starts against the Red Sox, Phil Hughes will deliver a message from Joba to Kevin Youkilis. Phil will throw at Youkilis’ head. Youk will then charge the mound, and proceed to get his a** kicked by Phil Hughes, Ramiro Pena, and Francisco Cervelli. Edwar Ramirez, who will be watching the game with the crowds, will jump out from the stands, run onto the field, and deliver the knock-out punch to Youkilis.

Mariano Rivera:
In August, Mariano Rivera will hold a press conference and reveal that God sent him the cutter through the Holy Spirit. The Vatican will study this revelation, and decide that it is indeed true, and Rivera will be named the first living Saint in the Catholic Church. Shortly after, Jonathan Papelbon will call on all the Catholics in Boston to denounce their faith and join the Papelbonic Church, in which he is the father, the son, the Holy Spirit, and the only Saint. Followers of the Papelbonic Church will be known as “Papelboners”, a name that holds accuracy on the deepest of levels.

Joba Chamberlain:
This season, Joba Chamberlain will focus all his efforts on becoming the heir to Mariano’s throne. He will become Rivera’s student, and the team will start calling him “The Grasshopper” – partly because he’s Mariano’s “protege”, and partly because of a weird dance he does in the locker room as his pre-game ritual. One day, while trying to learn how to throw “The Cutter Of God”, Joba will accidentally throw a new pitch. This pitch will be something that has never been seen before in baseball. It will be a combination of a cutter, 2-seamer, changeup, sinker, curveball and its opposite screwball. The result will be a pitch in which the ball travels to the plate at 98 MPH while spiraling in big circles. No batter will be able to hit it, and Joba will have an ERA of 0.00.

Damaso Marte:
Damaso Marte’s “Cranky Left Shoulder” will get laid, and will no longer be cranky. The new “Happy Left Shoulder” will carry Marte into the playoffs injury-free.
David Robertson:
This year, D-Rob will light several candles in church, and pray to God that he never plays under Joe Torre management, ever in his career.

Chan Ho Park:
Park will get special permission to grow facial hair, once it becomes known that the true source of his great pitching was his epic beard.
Alfredo Aceves:
“Aces” will have a successful spot-start this season, which will push everyone to question Joe Girardi’s decision to leave him out of the starting rotation. This pressure will get to Girardi, and after the All-Star break, Girardi will place Phil Hughes in the bullpen, and Alfredo Aceves in the 5th spot in the rotation. After Aceves fails in this role, he will be placed in the bullpen again for the playoffs.
Sergio Mitre:
Mitre will suck. I’m sorry, I can’t make anything up here. I hope I won’t have to see him all season. This is the truth.
Boone Logan: 
In August, Boone Logan will meet a female Yankees fan, who will be on vacation in New York. While visiting her family after living in Dubai for a year, she will win the heart of the left-handed reliever, and his pitching will improve greatly. He will have an ERA of 0.32 in the month of August, and will realize that this woman is his good luck charm. They will get married in January 2012. *cough*

You can find Beeeebzy’s blog entries and more at 161st-and-River.com

PECOTA: Predictions Entirely Coming Outta Their A**es

Every year,
the geeks, nerds and losers at Baseball Prospectus take a break from playing
Dungeons and Dragons, and decide to make asinine predictions about the upcoming
baseball season. These predictions are based on several sets of sabermetric
algorithms that are meant to predict a player’s performance, therefore
eliminating everything that makes baseball, BASEBALL.

Oh no! How can you label what a
mathematical genius does as asinine? 
With great ease, actually.

My fellow
fans, I’ll let you in on a little secret: PECOTA doesn’t stand for what the
title of this blog post says it does. Though my title is an accurate
description of what it is, PECOTA really stands for: Player Empirical Comparison and Optimization Test Algorithm.

Yeah. How
about I tell you nerds what to do with your PECOTA?

while I was sleeping, Major League Baseball became a sport played by computers
and not by humans. It must be so if the entire sport runs on a bunch of

and gentlemen, tonight’s batting lineup:

– BlackBerry

– iPhone

– iPod Touch

– Motorola Droid

– MacBook Pro

– Toshiba

– Nintendo Wii

– XBOX 360

– iPad

I think I’ll bat the XBOX after the Droid. The MacBook isn’t providing
sufficient protection anymore.


Stat Zombies
in general piss me off (and a lot of them are probably reading this blog right
now – I’m so scared! Please don’t come after me with your TI-83’s and pocket

just everything, is about statistics to them. Players aren’t human, they’re
numerical models. They’re walking, talking, eating, sleeping, and breathing
numbers. Athletes are incapable of having career years, hot or cold streaks, or
even mental problems. Players are incapable of choking under pressure, or even
being clutch. Every single statistic or number these players put up shapes who
they are, and how they will be in the future.

Where do I
even begin to tackle this stupidity?

 If you haven’t
seen them yet, click HERE to check out the
Baseball Prospectus PECOTA Depth Charts.


Do I even
need to point out how ridiculous these predictions are? Until these dorks put
down their calculators and pick up a bat or glove, I refuse to take anything
they have to say seriously. Do these zombies really think that their
predictions hold any degree of truth and accuracy? Let me tell you, any match
between PECOTA and reality is purely coincidental.

I’m not sure
what pisses me off more: the fact that the Stat Zombies keep believing these
predictions will come true, or the fact that they probably don’t watch any
baseball because they’re too busy tweaking algorithms. They must not watch any
baseball, because they don’t seem to realize that their accuracy percentage
among predictions is worse than Johnny Damon’s fielding percentage among left
fielders. Much worse.

these Stat-Monkeys seem to have the memory span of goldfish. A player could
have a horrible career then have one career year and suddenly he’s the
second-coming of Babe Ruth. Have these nerds not expanded their memory chips?
Are they incapable of remembering these guys in a game dating back to over a
year ago? I’m not just talking about the Baseball Prospectus losers behind
PECOTA, I’m also talking about the idiots who actually believe in these

While real
baseball fans live and die by every pitch and every hit, Stat Zombies live and
die by every statistic and every numerical trend. If baseball was truly run by
algorithms, don’t you think that Japan would have better baseball leagues than
America? No one creates better algorithms than the Japanese. I’m not being
racist, I’m just stating facts. If baseball ran on algorithms, then Kei Igawa
would have been the second-coming of Cy Young.

Give me a

You may
think that I’m only ranting about this because PECOTA Depth Charts show the
Yankees in third place in the AL East. That’s not true. The actual predictions
are irrelevant. I’d be ranting and raving even if these idiots predicted that
the Yankees’ record in 2010 would be 162-0.

predictions make no difference to me whatsoever. First of all, I don’t take any
prediction made before spring training seriously. Secondly, I don’t care how
good they are in the world of Mathematics, these Stat Zombies are idiots when
it comes to baseball. When you remove the most important factor about an
athlete, the human factor, you are an idiot. If players weren’t human then
there would be no need for the Disabled List. There would be no point in even
watching a game, because we would all know the outcome. Betting on a game
wouldn’t be gambling, and we’d all be able to make a lot of money and live
happily ever after. I’m not angry about the actual predictions. I simply don’t
care about them. My beef is with these people degrading the sport of
baseball, and lowering it to the level of mere numbers. That is what I have a
problem with.

thing I have a problem with is that Stat Zombies are feeding the
baseball-ignorance that exists among fans today. Not only the zombies at
Baseball Prospectus, but also several “analysts” who seem to base
everything they say on statistics, rather than thinking for themselves. These
so-called analysts feed information to the public and brainwash the masses into
thinking that baseball is all about numbers. While numbers in baseball do play
a significant role, it is completely idiotic to think that they play the most
vital role. That is why predictions like the ones on the PECOTA Depth Charts
annoy me. Not because of the projections, but because of their effects on the
minds of ignorant fans.

The morons
behind PECOTA have a deep understanding of statistics and mathematical models,
but their understanding of baseball as a sport is as shallow as the water in a
puddle on a flat surface. Guess what, Stat Zombies, there’s more to baseball
than numerical trends. Sorry for the rude awakening, but maybe you should put
your calculators down and step away from Google for a few minutes, and realize
that statistics do not make the player. Numbers do not make the team.


So, what do
I think of PECOTA? Baseball Prospectus can go choke on one.


• • • You can also find my blog post on 161st-and-river.com • • •