Tagged: Publicity Stunts

Boston: Putting the ‘B’ in “Bullsh*t”

I’m always fascinated by how far the Red Sox will go to attract attention. They’re like little children throwing hissy fits just so people will look at them. As if the Bostonian Lovefest not-so-cleverly disguised as ESPN isn’t nauseating enough, the members of Red Sox Nation crave attention so much that they make baseball moves for the sole purpose of gaining publicity. 

You probably guessed where I’m going with this. The entire Nomar Garciaparra publicity stunt was disgusting. 

Yesterday, “Nomah” signed a one-day contract with the Boston Red Sox for the price of a McDonald’s Big Mac meal (or something), and then announced his retirement. The Red Sox claim to have done this so that they can honor a player that has given so much to the organization. Nomar claims to have done this because, in his heart, he will always be a Red Sock. 

Give me a [EXPLETIVE] break.

Where do I even begin to tackle this gigantic load of bull feces?

The Boston Red Sox want to honor Nomar Garciaparra? Really? Am I the only one who seems to remember how the organization treated Nomar in 2004? The Red Sox front office trashed Nomar left and right after they threw him out, they wiped the the Green Monster with him. They gave him the true “Boston Treatment” after he left, just like they verbally slaughter every single player that leaves Boston.

Oh yes, they obviously respect him and want to honor him.

Give me a [EXPLETIVE] break.

Suddenly they want Nomar to retire with the Red Sox? What the Hell happened here? The Red Sox are the poster children for Schizophrenia. Time to up their medication!

I find it absolutely hilarious that they want to honor a player whose departure, as they claimed in 2004, was the reason they won the World Series that year. It’s mind-boggling how this organization cannot seem to take a stance on anything (players, team philosophies, payrolls, PEDs) and stick to it. They switch sides faster than politicians in Washington. It’s truly an insane phenomenon.

After this publicity stunt of theirs, it won’t surprise me if, in a few years, they re-sign Johnny Damon to a one-day contract so that he can retire a Red Sock. Knowing Damon, he’ll probably ask for $5 million. 

Dear Red Sox Organization,

While the vast majority of your fans seem to have the memory-span of goldfish, the rest of the country can clearly remember what happened six years ago. So, please, cut the crap. We’re not buying it.

Everyone Outside Of New England

What irks me even more is that their media is just as schizophrenic as they are. So many “All Hail King Nomah” articles fell from the Boston sky yesterday, that I honestly felt that the Apocalypse was near. *The sky is falling! THE SKY IS FALLING!*

Excuse me while I try to remember what the Boston media was saying about Nomar back in 2004. 

Were they praising him? 
Were they sad to see him go? 
Were they honoring the 8.5 years Nomar gave the team? 
Were they honoring the man who was the face of their pathetic organization? 

They were crucifying him. They got their orders from the Red Sox front office and sat at their computers typing slander after slander about Garciaparra. 

I don’t know why this even surprises me anymore. They do the exact same thing every time a player leaves the Red Sox. 

I can’t wait to see what they’ll write about Jonathan Papelbon should he leave Boston. They’ve worshipped him so much over the past few years that their schizophrenic 180° flip will be fun to see.

Now these writers received their new orders: Love Nomar. Praise Nomar. Worship Nomar. Fellate Nomar. So, they did. They threw out what little journalistic integrity they had left (which wasn’t much) and let go of their 2004 stances. Surprise, surprise.

The ultimate source of my nausea, however, comes from the fans. The same fans who regurgitated what was fed to them by the Boston front office and media back in 2004, are once again regurgitating what is fed to them in 2010. I guess old habits don’t die.

Out of nowhere, “lifelong” Nomar fans are coming out of the woodwork. Suddenly, every single member of Red Sox Nation is saying that they’ve remained fans of Nomar even after his departure. Apparently the rest of America has been hallucinating since 2004, observing an entire fanbase trash the face of their organization and then completely forgetting about him. Apparently that didn’t really happen, and all the Sawks fans have remained loyal to Nomar.

We must have been on one serious acid trip this entire time to imagine all of that.

Red Sox third-world Nation: Kiss my pinstriped a**. I’m going to call you out on your bullsh*t once again.

You have not remained Nomar Garciaparra fans all along. You talked so much trash about him in 2004 that one would think he was a member of the Yankees. You were nicer to Alex Rodriguez in 2004 than you were to Nomar. In true classless Red Sox fashion, you butchered the name of a player who you now claim was your “Derek Jeter”. Really, Red Sox Nation? He was your Derek Jeter? That’s funny, I have never seen or heard a Yankees fan disrespect Jeter. If Nomar was your Derek Jeter, then why all the hate in 2004? Was it because he didn’t win you a World Series championship? Is that why? Don Mattingly never won us a World Series championship, but you will never hear a Yankees fan slaughter him. 

In fact, how about you take a lesson from Yankees fans on what it means to be loyal to a player? 

We are still loyal to Mattingly. We still praise Don Mattingly. The year after Mattingly retired, we won the World Series. Did we act like classless morons and blame him for not winning championships? No we did not. We continued to praise him, worship him, and love him. When he left us to go coach the Dodgers, we didn’t forget about him like you forgot about Nomar. A small part of us dies every time we see Mattingly in Dodger blue. Every time the name “Mattingly” is mentioned, we praise him like the legend that he is. When you ask Yankees fans about Mattingly, they get choked up and say “we miss him”. Why? Because he truly was our Derek Jeter before Derek became our Jeter. Actually, Derek Jeter is this generation’s Don Mattingly. That is how you treat the face of your organization. That is how you show loyalty to a great player.

What you did to Nomar in 2004 was not loyalty. Forgetting about him from 2005-2009 was not loyalty. Claiming that his departure was the reason you won “The best championship ever” was not loyalty. In fact, do you even know where some of the players who won you that championship are right now? Do you know where Keith Foulke is? Keith Foulke. The former Red Sox closer. The pitcher who was on the mound when the final out of the 2004 World Series was made. Remember him now? It doesn’t surprise me that you’ve forgotten him. It doesn’t surprise me that you didn’t notice that he pitched for Oakland in 2008, or that he currently plays independent baseball. It’s all about Papelbon now. Well, until he leaves you.

I guess forgetting about the players who gave a lot to your organization is a regular thing for you. You all disgust me. I’m ashamed that you are fans of the great sport of baseball.

At least have the decency to be honest about your classless ways. At least admit that you didn’t give two craps about Nomar after he left, and that you were happy to see him go. Enough with your bullsh*t, Red Sox Nation. Enough.

Just when I think you can’t nauseate me any more, you prove me wrong.

This entire Nomar deal is one big publicity stunt. The Red Sox needed publicity after their incredibly boring winter, and Nomar needs publicity to kick off his broadcasting career. The deal that took place yesterday gave both sides what they needed. Nomar gained the attention he so desperately needed, and the Red Sox gained yet another ESPN broadcaster who worships the ground beneath their feet. Both sides won, while baseball fans outside of New England collectively reached for their buckets.

Once again, ladies and gentlemen, the Boston Red Sox, their media, and their fans, put the ‘B’ in BULLSH*T.

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